relate?
A new year. The first day back at work.
I walk into the office, slightly dazed, recovering from the culture shock of my first peak hour train journey in almost two weeks. The wait for the lift gives my mind the opportunity to relax into its usual nine to five semi-comatose state. Scan my security pass, enter the office, put my game face on.
Standing, I switch on my computer, delaying the inevitable return to 'worker' status for as long as possible. While the computer loads I take my lunch to the kitchen and place it on the third shelf in the fridge. I fill my cup with water as I stare out the window, wishing to be out there still.
Returning to my desk I swivel my chair. I take a last, lingering look out the window before sinking into my cubicle and its business oriented wall decorations. My chair cups my cheeks in a too familiar manner. It knows me well. I feel lulled into optimism. I am confortable, I know this environment, I have control of my actions. This year will be different.
I open a file, one that was waiting for me over christmas. Before going on leave I had promised it a quick completion in the new year. Now, with the benefit of a rejuvinated mind I know that I had lied. I apologise but it does no good. The damage was done too long ago. If this file is ever completed it will be nothing short of miraculous.
Luckily, my desk calendar is more forgiving. I sense it humming in anticipation of having my pen slide across its surface. I oblige. I put a line through todays date. Only 20 more working days until my next break.
I walk into the office, slightly dazed, recovering from the culture shock of my first peak hour train journey in almost two weeks. The wait for the lift gives my mind the opportunity to relax into its usual nine to five semi-comatose state. Scan my security pass, enter the office, put my game face on.
Standing, I switch on my computer, delaying the inevitable return to 'worker' status for as long as possible. While the computer loads I take my lunch to the kitchen and place it on the third shelf in the fridge. I fill my cup with water as I stare out the window, wishing to be out there still.
Returning to my desk I swivel my chair. I take a last, lingering look out the window before sinking into my cubicle and its business oriented wall decorations. My chair cups my cheeks in a too familiar manner. It knows me well. I feel lulled into optimism. I am confortable, I know this environment, I have control of my actions. This year will be different.
I open a file, one that was waiting for me over christmas. Before going on leave I had promised it a quick completion in the new year. Now, with the benefit of a rejuvinated mind I know that I had lied. I apologise but it does no good. The damage was done too long ago. If this file is ever completed it will be nothing short of miraculous.
Luckily, my desk calendar is more forgiving. I sense it humming in anticipation of having my pen slide across its surface. I oblige. I put a line through todays date. Only 20 more working days until my next break.
Comments
your entry depresses me even though I'm not back at work yet. i fear my return. yet like you, i'll probably rapidly sink back into my worker self. i hate my worker self. Mind you, when i'm my worker self, i don't hate my worker self at all most of the time. i think i'm great!
why is the word verification word 'schlate'? schlate.
In an attempt to make the entry accessible to anyone so fortunate to stumble across my blog I couched the word 'break' in a context relevant to every worker drone.
In reality I am treating it as from a break from every day life and a chance to throw myself into a situation with no security. Kerouac is in my subconcious somewhere. It's a break from what I know, so when I come back I have new ideas.
On a related note, my worker self is fighting to be reinstated. Luckily, the preoccupation with my work-day count down (9) is keeping my lesser self suppressed. I aim to have that lower form of me entirely removed at some point during the 10 month operation.
word verification - Duculate.
The Oxford definines duculate as: To err on the side of interstellar magnanamisation.